will someone please just help me find my way? i don't know what the hell is up or down right now. i don't know what it is that i did that was so wrong but i am being punished for something. i find myself waiting for every thing that i hold near and dear to just up and walk out of my life as some form of punishment for something that i have done. i don't know what to think anymore and i find myself constantly shoving my feelings and needs aside to support people. it is part of being selfless i guess. it just causes me so many problems emotionally and mentally that i can't handle in combination with the problems i am having just trying to stay alive and have a roof over my head. i've always known that life was never going to be fair but hey, can't a girl get a break somewhere? all i have ever wanted my entire life is someone who loves me and to know that things are going to be ok, even if it is going to take some work and fixing up, but alas the end result would be good. that my friends is asking too much in this life. i now question whether all the pieces of me have been broken and crushed to the point where no one will ever be able to put them back together. i just wish that i knew that i wasn't going to be living on a street corner looking for scraps for my dog to eat. is there anything i can do to change the fact that everything about this life seems to hate me? deep down everyone in this universe wants to love and be loved in return. they want to know that they are taken care of emotionally and physically. i always knew asking anything of this life was asking too much...

falling down into an abyss that i can't see. i don't know if i'm doing what is right or what is wrong. at the same point in time i don't think that i really care anymore. being lost has just left me that way. i don't know if i will ever be good enough for anyone as a friend, companion, or in any way, shape, or form. i just don't know what to think of myself except i can't do anything right and i'm just a failure at loving anything or anyone no matter how much of my soul and heart i invest into it. i want all of this to be in my head but i just feel so far damaged sometimes that i don't know if anyone can put the pieces back together or if anyone even wants to. i think that all of this is just depression talking most likely but i still keep spewing it out. i probably shouldn't even be saying this cuz it will probably result in it being my fault that anyone who reads it will be depressed and it is already killing me inside. i don't mean that all of this is how i always feel and it is likely just depression as i said but i am putting it all down all the same. please no one take any of this to heart. i don't want to make anyone feel sad because of me. love and hugs...machan.

Oooo Oooo I wanna be girl let me be
I wanna be everything your man's not
And I'm gonna give you
every little thing I've got
Cause you are more than a man needs
That's why I say you're truly my destiny
I'm gonna get cha
If it takes me until forever
No you don't feel me
if forever turns into never
I'll let you know my love
is just as strong
And for you never just ain't that long (ohh TK)


I wanna be the smile
you put on your face(oh yes)
I wanna be your hands
when you say your grace (say it baby)
I wanna be whatever
is your favorite place,(girl)oh
I just wanna be close (close to you)
I wanna be the hat you put on your head (can i be)
I wanna be the sheets
you put on your bed (your everything ya)
I wanna be the skirt
wrapped around your legs (girl)
Oh, I just wanna be close ( i said i wanna be)


And even if the day turns into night
I will love you by candlelight
And even if the water starts to run over
I'll be there to put you on my shoulders (oh ya)
And if it's hard for you to get to sleep
I will sing you a melody,(yes i will)
I wanna feel this way
Till the end of time, cause I pray one day
That you will be mine


I wanna be the smile
you put on your face (your smile)
I wanna be your hands
when you say your grace (can i be girl,can i be)
I wanna be whatever
is your favorite place,(close to you babe)oh
I just wanna be close
I wanna be the hat you put on your head (can i cover you)
I wanna be the sheets
you put on your bed (can i rap my love around you)
I wanna be the skirt
wrapped around your legs(ya)
Oh, I just wanna be close (i wanna be close)


See my life's filled with up and downs
I'm ok when you're around
And when I'm in a storm
and my nights are cold
Reach out your hands for me to hold(for me to hold)
See you're my queen on a throne
and you're the reason
For a song (this song) and I can't wait (cant wait)
to fill you up with love (fill you up with love)
Fill you with love


I wanna be the sun,
your stars, and your moon
I wanna be a hot summer day in June
I wanna be the smell
of your sweet perfume
I just wanna be close
I wanna be the seed
That bare ya life brand new
I wanna be the one
that's so faithful and true
I wanna be the man down that aisle
in that suit, yes
I just wanna be close

Avant~

sitting around depressed
i just want eternal rest
i don't know where i belong
why i'm always wrong
can't do anything right
i wanna give up the fight
all i'm doing is hiding my tears
i'm locking up my fears
don't want you to worry
don't want your vision to be blurry
i don't know what is wrong with me
i just can't seem to see
i feel like a fucked up mess
my life just has so much stress
i can't seem to help at all
i can't even break my own fall
should i just disappear
i see no reflection in the mirror
i just melt into the bed
trying to process what was said
am i doing the right thing
trying to fly with a broken wing

Of all the things I believe in
I just want to get it over with
tears from behind my eyes
but I do not cry
Counting the days that past me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Looks like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend and I say

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems like I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Ohhh yeah
It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and I want whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

We the stars fall and I lie awake
Your my shooting star


~Michelle Branch~