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About Literature / Artist Curing an AddictionFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 12 Years
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My Hidden Side
Fighting the anger
Battling my hate
Like a human on a hanger
What a pathetic state
Hate to live
But love to fight
What do I have to give
I'll always hide in the night
I hide it always
No one sees this side
Traveling the highways
Just along for my ride
You only see what I want
But there is something hidden
Something I'll never flaunt
Its far to forbidden
Consumed by hostility
You'll never see
I'll hide my animosity
No one can ever know me
:iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 1 1
This pain is too real
Its all I can feel
I am slowly slipping under
As my heart turns asunder
Nothing in the pieces but pain
No sun in my heart, only rain
Please come back and save this heart
I can't just keep falling apart
I need you in my life
To help hold me thru this strife
You are what keeps me going
And why my love I keep showing
My strength is now wearing thin
I hope our love can win
But I am so close to giving up
Like a ridden horse with bit and stirrup
Life my master and I its slave
This world stealing everything I gave
My heart now turning to black
All I can think is I want you back
I wish you'd never left
Now my heart wouldn't be so bereft
I don't want this world to have my soul
For I know it is its one goal
But fight i will
It'll never get the kill
Please Lord give me strength
For him I will go to any length
:iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 0 3
Inflicted Affliction
My friends surround
Yet I'm all alone
I wish I wouldn't drown
Sink to the bottom like a stone
I can't even breathe
Let alone begin to feel
Anything but the pain I can't sheath
It cuts like a sword thats real
A cut that never heals
An incision that always bleeds
A pain at which everyone kneels
A pain which everyone feeds
What have I done
That merits such hate
Why am I forbidden to run
Locked endlessly in this state
So here I will rot
Locked in this vault
I've tried to get out; I fought
But at me these incursions will never halt
:iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 0 0
Saving Grace
You make me smile
You make me laugh
Your the one who makes me forget about everything vile
Your like my rock and my staff
When I'm with you
My problems seem to melt away
I feel like Cinderella, you have my shoe
With you, forever I want to stay
You hold my hand
My stomach fills with fluttering butterflies
By you I always want to stand
On you my heart relies
I know it's early
And I know this is soon
But my love for you is surely
More wide and vast than the moon
I don't quite understand what I'm feeling
All I know is that it is true
My heart and soul are reeling
Now together we can share a stew
Forever is a long time but I'm game
As long as you are there I can handle anything
Nothing in my life will ever be the same
For you my heart and soul now sing
I don't feel left for dead
I feel more and more alive
All the past hate I can now shed
And finally be able to grow and thrive
I know this will be hard
And I know that times are tough
I'm pouring my heart out shard after shard
But I don't know
:iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 0 13
The most I'll ever have is a picture
That's all I'll ever have of you
I thought that you would be my cure
And I still let you keep me on a cue
I love you now
I love you forever
To you I make this vow
Knowing you'll love me never
So at this picture I'll stop and stare
Hoping my illusion will never end
I know for you I endlessly care
That's why for you I'll eternally bend
I feel like I'm in a song
My feelings written out line after line
A place where I don't belong
This picture is the only thing that is mine
I'm wide awake in this dream
Hoping that it becomes true
Nothing is as it would seem
I can't find anything new
All I have is this one picture
Thats the only piece I have left of you.
:iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 0 0
I must be in a delusion
To think I have meaning
I'm just an illusion
That has tears streaming
No one can see
And no one will know
I'm not even me
I have nowhere to go
I lie to myself
Every waking moment
Hide these facts with stealth
My emotions are completely spent
I'm rotting in this empty shell
Seeing nothing but black
It's my self-inflicted hell
My one room run down shack
There is no address
There is no door
I sit and watch everything regress
Slipping further from the shore
I just melt into the ocean
Letting life swallow me whole
Ripping away my emotion
Throwing away my soul
Sinking farther into the deep
No one will ever notice
My heart the ocean will keep
Releasing me into a state of bliss
:iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 0 0
People don't know the shit I go through
But they judge me all the same
Then I think of you
I remember all the fun and games
Will it ever be the same?
The day you left I think I cried
I was left with a big void inside
I remember all the fun we had
I recall all the walks and talks
Then I start to get really sad
At your funeral I didn't cry
All I could do was sit and sigh
I looked at you one last time
Now years later i reminice with a rhyme
Sometimes I just wanna hide
But I still stay on the ride
Then while I sit out on the lawn
It sinks in that your really gone
:iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 0 0
What is all this for
There is nothing of which I'm sure
I'm gonna make the pain end
Because I can never mend
So I say goodbye right here and now
But I will make one last vow
Once again I will smile
After I leave all that is vile
What awaits me, I do not know
Am I going high or low
Whatever it is it's better than this
I will make it so I achieve my bliss
I don't think I will change my mind
But I thank all for being kind
So now I say my goodbyes and cry
For now I know my time is nigh
:iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 0 0
My soul--but tainted without innocense
My heart--but a hollow shell
My body--but an appiration
My mind--but cursing sarcasm
My eyes--passionate hate
The passion laced with pain
Laced through and through
Can you see it in my eyes?
What disaster left
Comprised in one small space
Where it is all left to see
It can't remain hidden
No matter how I try
:iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 0 0
Burn me at the stake
Take away all that is fake
It is all totally wrong
I'm not really this strong
Through all of this
There is no bliss
I can't maintain
Or uphold under this pain
Is there more to life
More than all this strife
Rid me of this pain
Please unlock the chain
I want to be free
Be able to flee
Thats my last choice
When all I have is just one voice
I've been backed into a corner
I feel like a complete foriegner
This isn't my place
I need my own space
So if you can percieve
You'll understand why I must leave
:iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 0 0
What you do
Hurts me so
Love to few
Blood in snow
Pain and strife
Rock my universe
Rule my life
World so perverse
Short and sweet
Life could end
What a treat
Now lets descend
Can I bleed
Is it true
Will it trickle
Be bloody blue
Confusion will reign
And cause pain
The dictators power
Floods of rain
Leave it all
All falls behind
You'll never call
Lose my mind
It's all gone
Melted in snow
No new dawn
No eternal flow
:iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 0 0
Are you my friend?
Will you help me mend?
You comforted me so
Then threw me in the snow
Your oh so cold
Very very bold
To break my heart
Why'd you start
I don't comprehend
The message your trying to send
You had my trust
There was no lust
It was friendship
But now, my heart you rip
Was it all lies?
Can you hear my cries?
Why'd you do this?
What'd I miss?
I have all these questions
You show no affections
You're always around
I feel so bound
Can't you see...
That it hurts me
:iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 0 0
Tic Toc
Tic toc tic toc
Time tics by
Tic toc tic toc
I hope the world will die
Tic toc tic toc
Why can't I fly?
Tic toc tic toc
I always cry
Tic toc tic toc
Time tics by
Tic toc tic toc
Why can't I die
:iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 0 0
Life's Storm
The ravenous storm
It's gigantic form
Tears through my heart
I don't remember the start
The storm has the power
My existence has gone sour
There is nothing left
I'm no inept
The flood now comes
Everything slowly numbs
I'll end this storm now
With one final bow
:iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 0 0
The rose used to bloom
But now for it there's only doom
The cold crept in undetected
Now in the mirror nothings reflected
It's colors used to be so bold
But in slowly crept the cold
Leaving only icy frost
Now everything that was, is lost
All that remains is wilted
The vibrant flower now over, tilted
Now the rose has swiftly died
To it, the promise of life had been lied
:iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 0 0
Mature content
Fly :iconmandy-chan-luvs-toya:mandy-chan-luvs-toya 0 0


I stare in the mirror,
I see my imperfections laid bare,
I find I see fear,
Only regrets, torn and tattered, lay there,
As I glance through this mirror,
I see remorse as I stare,
for the lives that I have lost
and the hearts that I have crossed,
as the reflection ponders me, I grimace,
lost in thought, this image,
It laughs at each flaw
Transcends our law,
It breaks me down and leaves nothing left,
Nothing but a hollow shell left empty and bereft.
:iconshards-of-affliction:Shards-of-Affliction 3 8
At the Summit by Checkered-Fedora At the Summit :iconcheckered-fedora:Checkered-Fedora 553 149 Hatsune Miku by Checkered-Fedora Hatsune Miku :iconcheckered-fedora:Checkered-Fedora 937 85
Silent Servant
I lay myself down at your feet,
low and humble I bow and greet,
I have no worth, no self respect,
No thoughts of glory, no promise of success,
I am not here to beg your pardon,
I am brought before you to bare your burden,
There is no secret to why I have come,
There is only this and nothing more,
Silence is my voice,
Actions my tongue,
Lowly am I but still I come,
When you turn your head and laugh at me,
I will still be here on bended knee,
When you break my spirit and make me cry,
I will still wait for you to ask me why,
When you hurt I will take your pain,
When you suffer I shall bare the same,
When you need I shall provide,
When you say thanks I shall point up high,
When I am done I will walk away,
When I leave I will not be missed,
You will think back and realize there was nothing more than this.
:iconshards-of-affliction:Shards-of-Affliction 10 8
A dream
I dreamed a dream,
life had meaning and purpose,
regret had no home
pain no longer made you feel alone,
Brought to awareness, this winters eve
I realized this was no dream
Nightmares come as pretty as these
lost in hope thoughtless forms gone in a breeze,
This is our reality,
broken whims our hearts rallied
no more love but hosts of lost folly,
taken are the dreams of disconnected jolly,
End our misery with light from above,
bring us hope on the wings of a dove,
send us your love laid out bare
blight our pain to help us stop and stare.
:iconshards-of-affliction:Shards-of-Affliction 3 3
My Child
I was blessed the day you came,
my life was forever changed,
I miss our precious moments,
lost before the currents,
my time taken and measured with string
cut too short to mean much of anything
I ache each morning your not near
It is a pain that will never end I fear,
my heart broken my soul stolen,
I am left with only fear,
my road takes me far away
it makes for very a long day,
I have found my strength when I think of you
it makes me feel brand new
my life is changed made better by you
I miss you my little one,
my heart and soul yearn for you.
:iconshards-of-affliction:Shards-of-Affliction 1 0
just a feeling
There's no telling the words in my heart
it ceased to beat the moment I fell apart
I have no regret cept words unsaid
no lies to be told or excuses to be said,
I have in this place a hollow spot
a dark hole that seethes and rots,
a change in mood a flow of attitude
a mark of hate of loathing too great
No road can lead me out
the solitary life brought forth en route
but time is my master
broken dreams made disaster
I find no peace no solace in this place
no end to this misery just longing and disgrace
there is no way to shed this skin
no relief only grief
so let this end the way it should
with me dead and no more hurt.
:iconshards-of-affliction:Shards-of-Affliction 1 1
.:I Lay And Wait For You:. by MelissaGriffin .:I Lay And Wait For You:. :iconmelissagriffin:MelissaGriffin 246 70
Through Grace and Pain
It's through grace that I find myself in this place,
where what I love shows me new meanings to pain,
where every lesson that I have to learn is laced with thorns,
every action guided by an unyielding force,
never more than I can take,
yet more than I ever wanted,
though this pain I have learned the meaning of grace,
to bear my burden with a silent face,
never let on that it hurts,
that every smile is hiding something worse.
:iconshards-of-affliction:Shards-of-Affliction 2 2
She Can't Live Without Him by MelissaGriffin She Can't Live Without Him :iconmelissagriffin:MelissaGriffin 117 53 My Room Of Doom by MelissaGriffin My Room Of Doom :iconmelissagriffin:MelissaGriffin 242 44 Melody To My Lost Love by MelissaGriffin Melody To My Lost Love :iconmelissagriffin:MelissaGriffin 156 35 Waiting In Vain by MelissaGriffin Waiting In Vain :iconmelissagriffin:MelissaGriffin 210 47 Walking On Air by MelissaGriffin Walking On Air :iconmelissagriffin:MelissaGriffin 126 29 Melodey Lost by MelissaGriffin Melodey Lost :iconmelissagriffin:MelissaGriffin 94 19 Fantasy Life by MelissaGriffin Fantasy Life :iconmelissagriffin:MelissaGriffin 104 24



Curing an Addiction
Artist | Literature
United States
Current Residence: somewhere
Favourite genre of music: rocks
Favourite photographer: lots
Favourite style of art: lots
Operating System: xp
MP3 player of choice: my ipod! ha!
Shell of choice: my bed
Wallpaper of choice: nikki sixx and brendon
Skin of choice: my own
Favourite cartoon character: snoopy, and then my anime characters
Personal Quote: my epidermiss is high..(sp is intentional)
will someone please just help me find my way? i don't know what the hell is up or down right now. i don't know what it is that i did that was so wrong but i am being punished for something. i find myself waiting for every thing that i hold near and dear to just up and walk out of my life as some form of punishment for something that i have done. i don't know what to think anymore and i find myself constantly shoving my feelings and needs aside to support people. it is part of being selfless i guess. it just causes me so many problems emotionally and mentally that i can't handle in combination with the problems i am having just trying to stay alive and have a roof over my head. i've always known that life was never going to be fair but hey, can't a girl get a break somewhere? all i have ever wanted my entire life is someone who loves me and to know that things are going to be ok, even if it is going to take some work and fixing up, but alas the end result would be good. that my friends is asking too much in this life. i now question whether all the pieces of me have been broken and crushed to the point where no one will ever be able to put them back together. i just wish that i knew that i wasn't going to be living on a street corner looking for scraps for my dog to eat. is there anything i can do to change the fact that everything about this life seems to hate me? deep down everyone in this universe wants to love and be loved in return. they want to know that they are taken care of emotionally and physically. i always knew asking anything of this life was asking too much...
  • Listening to: the voices in my head tellin me that i'm a mistake
  • Playing: facebook games


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MelissaGriffin Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the favorites.
Dragonic Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thnx luv!

Much appreciated.
Uchiha-Sakura Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2010  Student Artisan Crafter
thanks for the favs :)
mandy-chan-luvs-toya Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2010   Writer
not a problem...i love your cosplay becki!
Uchiha-Sakura Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Student Artisan Crafter
THanks :)
radicalTERRA Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the many :+fav:s, Mandy! How's life in the old MV? I'm doing well. Scatterbrained and going nuts, but still well. In a few days, I will have worked for Toys R Us for two years. Oh, and I'm the one who gets to dress up in the giraffe suit. That sucks, btw, since the cooling unit is broken. Be a lot more fun if they maintained the suit. Hope I don't have to dress up again this halloween. I need to talk with my mom about how to execute my drag look. Lady Aquaria Sky. *muah!*
mandy-chan-luvs-toya Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2010   Writer
lol things are well...going i suppose. life is still treating me rather crappy but that is just how it goes and i know that. i am still working out at honda for going on maybe three years here sometime soonish i think lol. and i would never ever ever wear a giraffe suit...i feel so bad for you darling. are you with anyone still?
radicalTERRA Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah, been with Scott for almost four years now. He can get on my nerves sometimes, but I still love him. Being Geoffrey isn't that bad, though half the kids cry when I approach them. This is actually the first holiday season in three that I don't have to work overnights on truck, though I think there's quite a bit of frustration I expect to endure on days, though. It's gonna be a doozy! :lol:
mandy-chan-luvs-toya Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2010   Writer
i am glad that things are going well with scott that is amazing! well at least in this crappy economy we still have jobs i guess would be the way to look at it.
(1 Reply)
radicalTERRA Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the :+fav:s! :D
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